Old Spice Manly Man-isms

“Hello Ladies, how are you? Fantastic”…  I just know that this line will be used in a bar this weekend by a guy putting on a deep manly man voice.  The Old Spice campaign needs no introduction and I have this funny feeling its genius and hilarious script will be on the tongues of many. I have therefore collated a collection of some Old Spice awesome one-liners for your comedic pleasure.  I feel this is a public service I have provided, so for you to give back as well just find your inner baritone and crack out a few of these wonderful words at the right fabulously fabulous moment. “Monocle Smile”.

• “Look down, back up, where are you?
• “Look again, the tickets are now diamonds!”
• “I’m on a horse.”
• “…All over this.” (and include the finger circling your face!)
• The classic, “Hello ladies, how are you? Fantastic.”
• “Does your man look like me? No.”
• “I don’t know… Do you like the smell of adventure?”
• “Swan Dive… In to the best night of your life.”
• “Well friends, like all great things this too must end.”
• “…Bermuda Triangle Mysteries that need solving with huge magnifying glasses”
• “I must ride my jet ski lion in to the sunset.”
• “I am just one ridiculously handsome man.”
• “Silver fish hand-catch”
• “My body is 98% muscle, and muscles don’t get sick.”
• “It doesn’t look like you can get a fever in your ears, which I think we can both agree is a glorious thing.”
• “I realise that my unbelievably rippling abs can be distracting.”
• “They made me King, which is great because I love grapes.”
• “… and I’d be honoured to honourably honour your honourable request.”
• “Your love has blossomed from a seed into a fully grown love plant… and now it’s time to fertilise that plant.”
• “Your blog would be the mighty Everest sitting on top of a skyscraper.”
• “… and on that falcon’s head would be a top hat, because top hats are for gentlemen.”
• “Monocle Smile.”
• “Presidential ab point.”
• “Luckily for you I am certified in nose CPR.”
• “Flagrantly flagrant flowers.”
• “Love filled trust explosion.”
• “… singing could quite possibly be seen as feminine by men.”
• “Man speak..”
• “… that would explode the universe and we enjoy living here.”
• “Adult love times…”
• “… a seven course candlelit dinner at the Earth’s core created by a menagerie of tuxedo’ed magma men.”
• “… 40 planet thrusts for my quads, 100 brociosaurus bench presses, 12 tractor curls, a couple of neck pole vaults, followed by 300 zebra kicks to the abs, then I swim across the Aegean Sea as a cool down.”
• “I also enjoy giving hot oil massages to sophisticated women while working part-time as a lumberjack submarine captain…”
• “.. vocabularised speech patterns…”
• “Simple as pie, like an apple or peach one, not a complex lemon meringue.”
• “…making romantic love movements with a moustachioed eye-lady is not a thought I want to have inside my male brain centre.”
• “Moustache lip carpet, Fur Forearm, Tree Stump Biceplicals, and Mandominal muscles “
• “I was hoping to bring smiles to faces, high-fives to hands, and belly laughs to man and women bellies worldwide…”
• “…Captain, leader, and all around great god person who is strong.”
• “Because Mystery is mysterious… that’s why they named it that.”
• “…each specifically formulated for women’s romance scent intake manifold femulator combustion seduction uptake accelerators.”
• “A lady should always smell like salt Taffy and good times.”
• “Hello, do you want to see the world from the back of a whale after parachuting on said whale from the front row of a ten act play about your life?”
• “Y times 2 minus the universe microwaves, multiplied by white blood cells divided by the square route of romantic feelings infused with the mono nucleic acid of black holes plus the half life of an atom equals… thank you.”
• “Most people aren’t pain deflective pillars of strength and wisdom and mascularity.”
• “It’s a fresh water fish, I caught it just for you.”
• “Nothing puts hair on a man’s face like an elderly yeti slap to the facial region.”
• “…we’re going somewhere awesome, like a large water tank containing sharks made out of fine jewels, which we would sell to buy ourselves… nachos.”
• “Wow, my head would be spinning right now if my neck muscles weren’t so wildly strong and able to hold it in place.”
• “Under water accounting, under water middle school teaching, under water subway train operating, and underwater dental hygienistry and that’s just the start…”

Ok wow… I really don’t think the internet can take the strain of any more masculinity filled vocabulary phrases from the Old Spice Man. There is only so much one human sized mind can handle, unless said human mind is transformed by a solar flair which has travelled light years to transmit its brain expanding energy.  And that my friends would be a glorious thing.